Why Are We Interested in the Alternative Lifestyle?
The alternative lifestyle is not a one-size-fits-all solution to relationship problems. It's an enhancer that can bring new dimensions to a strong relationship! However, it can also destroy a weak one. A long relationship does not necessarily mean a strong one, and exploring alternative lifestyles requires a solid foundation of trust and communication.
The Lifestyle is Not a Fixer, It's an Enhancer
Enhancing Strong Relationships: For couples with a strong bond, the alternative lifestyle can add excitement and novelty, strengthening the connection even further. This is a great place to explore shared fantasies and broaden your horizons together!
Potential Risks: On the other hand, if the relationship is already fragile, diving into this lifestyle without proper communication and understanding can lead to misunderstandings and even breakups. This is not an answer to "my spouse cheated so now I have a hall pass" or "well my spouse is into this so I guess Ill take one for the team"
Who's in the Lifestyle Anyway?
The community is diverse and worldwide. Most "swingers" come from four major fields of employment: Medical, Education, Law Enforcement, and First Responders. Here's a snapshot of the community:
Mostly middle to upper class.
Ages 21-65.
All races, sizes, and experience levels are welcome.
Nationwide and international.
"Swinging" is Not the Lifestyle, and the Lifestyle is Not All About "Swinging"
The term "swinging" often comes to mind when thinking about alternative lifestyles, but it's just one aspect. The lifestyle encompasses various other practices, including:
Nudism: Embracing the natural human form.
Voyeurism and Exhibitionism: Watching or being watched.
LGBT, BDSM, Hotwife, Stag/Vixen, ENM, Poly: Different expressions of sexuality and relationship dynamics.
Non-Swapping Swingers: Many in the community enjoy the open and erotic atmosphere without necessarily swapping partners.
Swinger "types"
Different couples have different comfort levels, leading to different swinger "types":
Non-Swap: Enjoying the atmosphere without swapping.
Soft Swap: Limited physical interaction with others.
Full Swap: Full physical interaction with other consenting adults.
Flow Swap: A go with the flow vibe, where preferences can change in any situation
Types of Events
The lifestyle offers different types of events so there is something for everyone:
Meet & Greets: Casual gatherings to make connections often held in "vanilla" settings like local bars and strip clubs
House Parties: More intimate settings for friends held in a host home, a great way to dip your toe into the swingerpool
On-Premise Clubs: Venues dedicated to the lifestyle where you can indulge on site, can be small lounges to large mega club type atmospheres. Normally equipped with djs, dancefloors, stripper poles, "play" rooms and other various ways to enjoy
Hotel & Resort Takeovers: Special events in luxurious settings, the whole hotel is yours to enjoy! Often events are held in different themes and have a lot of activities, seminars and demonstrations throughout the event
Lifestyle Vacations, Resorts & Cruises: Extended experiences for those looking to fully immerse themselves
The Dreaded "J" Word: Jealousy
Jealousy is a natural emotion that can arise in this journey, whether you're new or experienced, young or old, married or single. Any seasoned vet will tell you that this is one of the biggest problems in the lifestyle, but is a problem that you can avoid:
Communication: Open and honest dialogue is key. Communicate about EVERYTHING. Make sure every step you take is ok with both partners. Don't assume. Don't "take one for the team". Don't let something happen just to hash it out later. Talk about it BEFORE it happens, if your mood shifts or something progresses past your comfort zone, say it. We are all adults, and we ALL want everyone to be just as into it as the rest of us.
Physical, Not Emotional: Understanding that the connections are physical can help manage emotions. Keeping things in perspective makes a big difference.
Rules, Limits & Safe Words: Setting boundaries ensures that everyone feels comfortable and respected. When a boundary is set, keep it. Jealousy is a natural and common emotion when exploring alternative relationship lifestyles. It can manifest in various ways, from slightly uncomfortable to intense feelings of betrayal or inadequacy. However, jealousy doesn't have to be a roadblock. With communication, it can be understood, managed, and even overcome. 1. Open Dialogue
Start Early: Before engaging in any new experiences, partners should discuss their feelings, expectations, and boundaries.
Regular Check-Ins: Ongoing conversations about comfort levels and emotions can prevent misunderstandings and build trust.
2. Understanding Each Other's Feelings
Empathize: Try to understand your partner's perspective and feelings. Ask questions and listen without judgment.
Express Yourself: Share your feelings without blame or criticism. If you feel uncomfortable, say it!
3. Setting Clear Boundaries
Define Limits: What are you both comfortable with? What's off-limits? Knowing these boundaries can prevent jealousy from arising.
Respect Boundaries: Once set, these limits must be respected. Crossing them can lead to mistrust and intensify jealousy.
4. Dealing with Jealousy When It Arises
Acknowledge It: Ignoring jealousy won't make it go away. Recognize it and talk about it.
Why are you feeling it?: Is it insecurity? Fear of loss? Understanding the underlying cause will help you solve it!
No judgement: Exactly how it sounds. Don't judge your spouse or yourself if youre feeling jealous, just work it out together!
The lifestyle is a complex and exciting world that offers something for everyone. It requires understanding, communication, and a strong relationship. Whether you're curious or already part of the community, there's a place for you here! Remember, it's not about fixing something broken but enhancing what's already there!